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| Discription of Texas and Southern Women |
* Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
* Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
* Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
* Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
* All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
* Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana pudding!
* Only Southerners grow up knowing that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
* Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
* No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
* A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
* Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," We talk to everybody!
* In the South, y'all is singular and plural.
* Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. Best made with milk!
* Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
* When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
* Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
* And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.
***
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two mint juleps and a dose of grits and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
For those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I'm not from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been!
If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could!
