Sunday, June 6, 2010

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
1.The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
2.A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
3."He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
4."He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
5."I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
6."He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
7."Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
8."I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
9."He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde
10."I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
11."Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
12."I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
13."He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
14."I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
15."He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
16."He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
17."In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - harles, Count Talleyrand
18."He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
19."Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
20."His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
21."Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." - Oscar Wilde
22."He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
23."He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
24."I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
25. "I'm looking for someone that can..Tickle my Peach."- Barbara